It's like when you are with friends.., or just meeting
someone for the first couple of times.., and you want --NEED-- TO fill any
potentially awkward silence, to get a conversation going on *some* topic.
You end up talking about things you are not sure the other person will EVEN be
interested in, but the need to fill the silence makes it worth the
gamble. Or you end up as babbling incoherently, or
stream-of-consciously.., just to fill the silence. It's even worse if you
are the host, because that creates a social pressure to keep your guests
entertained.., the drive to fill the silence is amplified.
Yeah.., THAT is how I feel when I fight rapier these
days.., for the last few years, actually.
I experience a visceral *need* to attack.., to initiate
something, so that I and my opponent are actually and actively engaged.
It's stupid, I know.., and it is certainly detrimental to
skillful combat, and reputation, and fun.., *my* fun, at least.
I am, by nature, a counter-puncher.., or at least I *was* a
counter-puncher back when epees were the standard for SCA rapier and I went to
at least one practice a week, against thoughtful and capable opponents.
Now, the weapons are heavier, challenging my body's 20-year ingrained
epee-centric reflexes (No, mister wrist, that is not an epee, you've got
to start that parry combo earlier--the rapier blade in your hand doesn't move
as fast as an epee No, mister automatic distance control, all blades are
not the same length--that 48" tickler changes the algorithm you have
always relied on.) Today's weapons are stouter, making me much more
concerned about hitting too hard. And those damn period grips! It's
amazing how used to a french or pistol grip you can become in course of
decades. I am more than a year back into this game and I still do not
feel comfortable gripping my own weapons; my hands are constantly seeking the
comfortable position of yore.
All that stuff makes me feel.., inhibited, out of sorts.
But, it's not just that stuff.., not really.., not
totally.
For the last few years before returning to the SCA I did
modern epee.., and I felt the same *need* to start and maintain the
conversation there, too. In tournament bouts you get 3 3-minute periods
of fencing separated by two breaks. The clock is stopped with each touch,
then restarted with each command to engage, so that's 3 minutes of actual
fencing. The first fencer to score 15 touches against his opponent, or
the person with the highest score at the end of the time, wins. It is
quite common for epee matches in high-level competition to run right up to the
end of 9 solid minutes of fencing with neither fencer having scored 15 touches
on his opponent. Epee can be a waiting game, a counter-punching game..,
my game.
And yet, in my first tournaments, I found (in hindsight, of
course) that I had initiated almost every engagement and had brought my bouts
to conclusion.., to 15 touches scored (at least I won a few more than I
lost).., all within the first 3-minute period!! Whoa!
Where's the fire!? Slow down! Wait. Think.
Why do I get in such a hurry?
It was in examining the commonality of my behavior between
fencing and rapier, after a backyard practice with my friend Graham, that I discovered
the social pressure that seems to underpin much of that behavior. Since
Graham was a guest at my house, and fencing with him actually was kind of a
"host" thing, the feeling that I needed to initiate the action
was stronger and more distinct than it had been in the past. It was
easier to recognize. Epiphany!
Funny, though--I don't remember feeling this 15+ years ago,
at the height of my activity as a Don in Ansteorra. This datapoint is
what got me examining the rest of the factors that could be contributing to my
inhibitions (different weapons, grip, etc). But is this all of it?
Certainly the lack of local practice (hell, lack of local group to even
facilitate a local practice) seems to raise the "stakes" of each bout
at an event. That has to factor in. Although I usually don't care
too much whether I win or lose, I find afterwards I am a bit concerned about
how I am perceived.., and that is a recipe for a thick soup of performance
anxiety.
Hell. There sure seems to be a lot of stompy foot-traffic
on the bridge between my head and my heart.
What is it they say? Admitting that you have a problem
is the first step...? Ok. Check. Step one accomplished.
Step two? Not 100% sure.., but I do know that I need
to slow the fuck down as I figure it out.
Oh man, I get so much of this. Not so much the counterpunching, per se, because I was never a counterpuncher, but the sense of "I used to know how this works, but now..."
ReplyDeleteOne of the more useful comments I got this weekend from a fellow Don was, "It's interesting watching your fencing, because the rest of the Kingdom all transitioned to heavy blades at about the same time. When I watch you, I'm seeing you figure out what works and what doesn't."
But for now, I'm pretty much using Kzinti tactics. Minus the screaming part.
I remember those books!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, Theron. Our situations mirror in so many ways, its uncanny. Interesting, but not unusual that we'd be experiencing the same sort of things right now, when you think about it.
I am really struck by the comments to you, that the person could *see* you figuring things out. Man, that is just how I feel--like it is so obvious that I am working it out.., but that, to the standard observer, it's like: "Whoa. *That* guy has a white scarf?"
I know that is ego.., even if only a defensive kind, and that once I realize it, its easy to place in proper perspective.., easy to get beyond.
Again, my brother, I am so glad you commented. It meant an awful lot to me.
--Kazimir
Sorry for the late reply, but... the guys have been working a lot, lately, from the works of Joachim Meyer and they've found a couple of paragraphs particularly useful and they might be of some help here:
ReplyDelete"And the First are those who, as soon as they can reach the opponent in the Onset, at once cut and thrust in with violence. The Second are somewhat more moderate, and do not attack too crudely but when an opponent has full extended with a cut, fallen low with his weapon, or else has bungled in changing, they chase and pursue rapidly toward the nearest opening. The Third will only cut to the opening when they not only have it for certain, but have taken heed whether they can also recover from the extension of the cut back into a secure parrying, or to the Defense Strokes; I also mostly hold with these, although it depends on what my opponent is like. Not the Fourth position themselves in a guard and wait thus for their opponents device; they must either be fools or especia...lly sharp, for whomever will wait thus for another person's device must be very adept and also trained and experienced, or else he will not accomplish much."
"Now as the first ones are violent and somewhat stupid, and as they say, cultivate frenzy; the second artful and sharp; the third judicious and deceitful; the fourth like fools; so you must assume and adopt all four of them, so that you can deceive the opponent sometimes with violence, sometimes with cunning, sometimes with judicious observation, or else use foolish comportment to incite him, deceive him and thus not only betray him concerning his intended device, but also make yourself room and space for the opening, so that you can hit him that much more surely."
So the implication is that you preferred being a counterpuncher, essentially a #2 "artful and sharp", but you feel like now you mostly stick to #1 "violent" (or the primary initiator of the attack)? For our guys they seem to have found it helpful to think of their fight in terms of those 4 roles and to assess the person they are fighting to determine what their primary role seems to be as well. Recognizing the roles has helped them to think that maybe in a given situation it helps to switch their role to a different one. It also helps in practice to deliberately work on roles that you think you don't do often enough to get out of that comfort zone on work on things from a different perspective (although if you don't have regular practices like we used to that's a bit tough to work on, sorry to hear that!) Obviously thinking in terms of "roles" isn't helpful for everyone (it doesn't seem to quite fit into the way I seem to think if things) but it might be something to try and see if that works for you at all.
To change the subject a tad, one of the other things we've worked with is changing the rules around at times to take into account things like afterblows. You get that in what you do, to some extent, by the other person having to deal with only taking an arm or leg (we just go to the hit, wherever it is) and they would still need to defend against a blow coming after, but it is helpful to work on counting double kills and after-blows as equally bad things. I should admit here that the mindset is a bit different for HEMA, though, since folks are more concerned with the martiality and trying to survive as if it were a real fight and playing around with rules to help work that aspect (and tournaments are judged rather called by the combatants themselves). Still, I've found it a pretty useful aspect that may work well with experimenting with those roles if you give that a try.
Good luck getting back into the swing of things (so to speak.)