Why do I feel this way...?

It's like when you are with friends.., or just meeting someone for the first couple of times.., and you want --NEED-- TO fill any potentially awkward silence, to get a conversation going on *some* topic.  You end up talking about things you are not sure the other person will EVEN be interested in, but the need to fill the silence makes it worth the gamble.  Or you end up as babbling incoherently, or stream-of-consciously.., just to fill the silence.  It's even worse if you are the host, because that creates a social pressure to keep your guests entertained.., the drive to fill the silence is amplified.

Yeah.., THAT is how I feel when I fight rapier these days.., for the last few years, actually.

I experience a visceral *need* to attack.., to initiate something, so that I and my opponent are actually and actively engaged. 

It's stupid, I know.., and it is certainly detrimental to skillful combat, and reputation, and fun.., *my* fun, at least.

I am, by nature, a counter-puncher.., or at least I *was* a counter-puncher back when epees were the standard for SCA rapier and I went to at least one practice a week, against thoughtful and capable opponents.  Now, the weapons are heavier, challenging my body's 20-year ingrained epee-centric reflexes (No, mister wrist, that is not an epee, you've got to start that parry combo earlier--the rapier blade in your hand doesn't move as fast as an epee  No, mister automatic distance control, all blades are not the same length--that 48" tickler changes the algorithm you have always relied on.)  Today's weapons are stouter, making me much more concerned about hitting too hard.  And those damn period grips!  It's amazing how used to a french or pistol grip you can become in course of decades.  I am more than a year back into this game and I still do not feel comfortable gripping my own weapons; my hands are constantly seeking the comfortable position of yore.

All that stuff makes me feel.., inhibited, out of sorts.

But, it's not just that stuff.., not really.., not totally.

For the last few years before returning to the SCA I did modern epee.., and I felt the same *need* to start and maintain the conversation there, too.  In tournament bouts you get 3 3-minute periods of fencing separated by two breaks.  The clock is stopped with each touch, then restarted with each command to engage, so that's 3 minutes of actual fencing.  The first fencer to score 15 touches against his opponent, or the person with the highest score at the end of the time, wins.  It is quite common for epee matches in high-level competition to run right up to the end of 9 solid minutes of fencing with neither fencer having scored 15 touches on his opponent.  Epee can be a waiting game, a counter-punching game.., my game.

And yet, in my first tournaments, I found (in hindsight, of course) that I had initiated almost every engagement and had brought my bouts to conclusion.., to 15 touches scored (at least I won a few more than I lost).., all within the first 3-minute period!!  Whoa!  Where's the fire!?  Slow down!  Wait.  Think.

Why do I get in such a hurry?

It was in examining the commonality of my behavior between fencing and rapier, after a backyard practice with my friend Graham, that I discovered the social pressure that seems to underpin much of that behavior.  Since Graham was a guest at my house, and fencing with him actually was kind of a "host" thing, the feeling that I needed to initiate the action was stronger and more distinct than it had been in the past.  It was easier to recognize.  Epiphany!

Funny, though--I don't remember feeling this 15+ years ago, at the height of my activity as a Don in Ansteorra.  This datapoint is what got me examining the rest of the factors that could be contributing to my inhibitions (different weapons, grip, etc).  But is this all of it?  Certainly the lack of local practice (hell, lack of local group to even facilitate a local practice) seems to raise the "stakes" of each bout at an event.  That has to factor in.  Although I usually don't care too much whether I win or lose, I find afterwards I am a bit concerned about how I am perceived.., and that is a recipe for a thick soup of performance anxiety. 

Hell. There sure seems to be a lot of stompy foot-traffic on the bridge between my head and my heart.

What is it they say?  Admitting that you have a problem is the first step...?  Ok.  Check.  Step one accomplished.

Step two?  Not 100% sure.., but I do know that I need to slow the fuck down as I figure it out.

The Granting of Largesse for Virtuous Acts

The matter of largesse is large in my mind right now, so I wanted to post this.  It is an article I originally wrote for a booklet handed out at the Michaelmas Passage of Arms, hosted by the Barony of Bjornsborg, Kingdom of Ansteorra, some time back in the late 1990's or 2000.  It represents an earlier outlook on Chivalry overall, and the style is awkward to my 10-year-older self.., but, hey, I was who I was back then.

*          *          *          *          *

 

During a tournament you will see many notable, courageous, and virtuous acts.  It is incumbent upon us all, spectators and combatants alike, to recognize those acts that represent the best parts of what we are trying to recreate.  Medieval man divined five classic virtues inherent in chivalry.  These were largesse (generosity), courtesy, loyalty, franchise, and prowess.  Exemplars of each may be seen throughout the day, upon the field and off.  We suggest the use of one of these very virtues, largesse, to recognize and laud virtuous behavior, and thus reinforce its place in our society.  Non-combatants, especially, may bestow largess upon those whose acts have impressed them.

Largesse is most often manifest upon the field of combat as mercy.  Offering an opponent the opportunity to yield, rather than insisting that the combat continue, is an example of generosity.  Similarly, giving up an earned advantage, such as casting off a shield to match an opponent’s disadvantage, is quite laudable.  The virtue courtesy is very important in such situations, as well.  It is not enough to merely offer such generosity to an opponent, but it should be offered in ways not demeaning to the disadvantaged party. 

Courtesy may also be much evident off the field.  How combatants treat each other off the field, and out of the limelight, is an insight into their true character.  More importantly, how they treat non-combatants (do they have time to offer greeting, carry another’s burden, or ask after a strangers day?) is the surest mark of their true courteousness.  Of greatest importance, however, is how they treat the one for whose honor they are supposed to be fighting.  More than mere courtesy, loyalty now comes into play.

Loyalty is perhaps the most difficult of the virtues to observe in others.  It should motivate a combatant to excel in all things, not in his own name, but for the honor of that soul who inspires him.  Far from refraining from those acts which might shame the one for whom he fights, a combatant should demonstrate that all the glory he earns is for his special someone, and not for himself.

Franchise is the manifestation of the rank, estate, and prerogatives of an individual.  This is most clearly seen upon the field in the dress, weapons, and trappings of a combatant.  Has the combatant taken the time to maintain his gear, repairing straps and rivets instead of encasing his thighs in duct tape…, again?  Beautiful, proper, and period use of heraldry is the hallmark of franchise.  While those of greater rank may fight in that same tired tabard, the young Lord who cunningly weaves his heraldry and persona into his display upon the field (or off!) should be rewarded for enriching the atmosphere for everyone. 

Prowess is by far the most obvious virtue on the field.  Whether demonstrated through feats of great skill, or through acts of great courage, unusual acts of prowess should be lauded.  A relatively new combatant who defeats a Knight or Centurion would certainly be worthy of note, as would a combatant who stubbornly defends against several opponents (especially if he is victorious!).

A most appropriate way of recognizing a virtuous act is through one of those self-same virtues: largesse.  By extending our own generosity to reward laudable behavior in others, we perpetuate the type of behavior upon which our society is founded.  This generosity, often referred to as “giving largesse”, can take almost any form.  At its most basic, it might be simply mentioning to a combatant that you were impressed with what he did, and why.  This shows the combatant that folks do watch close enough to notice, and will almost certainly result in his continuing such acts in the future.  Similarly, you might grant someone “word fame” by openly sharing with all in attendance that virtuous behavior to which you were witness.  Recounting the act and celebrating the virtuous actor provides example to everyone that such virtuous behavior is rewarded.  Gifts, tokens of appreciation and recognition, are also a tremendous way to reward virtuous acts. 

However, largesse need not be granted in open court, or on the public tourney field.  Often the more subdued and personal tokens are the most cherished.  Extend the hospitality of your table or campfire to the new combatant and his consort.  Those old knee cops gathering rust in your bag might be a generous gift to a new young fighter.  Understated, but meaningful items are often very nice as well: a brooch you won in an earlier tournament; a wooden box given to you as largesse; the ring from your hand; a beaded necklace; a quill pen; a bundle of candles; a decorated tin; a flower; anything.  Finally, when considering largesse, try to remember the one for whom the combatant fought.  Too often the excitement of victory overshadows the one who inspired it.  It is always appropriate to gift that silent inspiration with a token of appreciation.

Only an eighth part....

Prowess is but one of the virtues of Chivalry--one of eight overarching virtues in my personal code.  Yet, Prowess seems to get disproportionate emphasis over the other virtues.  There are some clear reasons for this, I think.

Prowess tends to be obvious.  This is especially so in the SCA, where competitions yield obvious victors.  Sufficient victories and you get a reputation for being "good," of having Prowess.  Often, a reputation for Prowess is seen as end in itself;  it is enough to be good at one or two things. Further, it is not always so easy to recognize manifestations of other virtues, or to realize the advantage of demonstrating them, especially in competitions.

Modern Western culture is competitive.  And victory is often the only acceptable indicator of success. Though we say, "It doesn't matter who wins or loses..," we mostly celebrate who wins. In this way today's SCA is more of a reflection of modern society than a protest against it.  There seem to be few things society, and the Society, cannot turn into a competition these days.

Prowess is the foot in the door to recognition.  We all love a winner.  And, though there are few awards or orders in the SCA for simply doing one thing well, most martial orders understandably have a minimum level of Prowess required before a candidate is considered.  Most such orders, especially the Peerages, have other requirements that get much less emphasis than the Prowess component.

So how, in such an environment, do we provide obvious and similar levels of attention and encouragement to the other virtues of Chivalry?  How do we ensure what we do is more than a deeply significant tailgate party surrounding a most unique sporting event?
  

First, we can celebrate, or at least talk openly about, other virtues.  King *** has openly encouraged stories of old Meridies, and in such stories, perhaps more than anywhere else, are found seeds of the marvelous, the magical, and the heroic. We can strive to make all Chivalric virtues as familiar to the tongue as winning.

 

We can recognize manifestations of other Chivalric virtues to the same degree we recognize Prowess.  In fact, I would argue that we could de-emphasize Prowess in favor of over-emphasizing the other virtues in selecting champions and tournament/competition victors, and the place of Prowess would not suffer for our efforts. 

 

Judged tournaments were common in our period.  Certainly a jury or audience educated to look for evidence of Generosity, Courage, Mercy, and Nobility could readily help identify those combatants who most completely or situationally embody it, and the very process reinforces awareness and importance of those other virtues.

 

It is a projection of Nobility, in the form of Largesse, to share our own treasures with those who impress us. How better or more personally to celebrate Virtues?  Whether from our physical treasury, with the gifting of items, or by the sharing of our Honor, by the granting of word fame in public acknowledgment of virtuous accomplishments, each of us, regardless of station, has Largesse to bestow.

 

A&S competitions, already contrivances, could be augmented to require demonstration of virtues beyond Prowess.  Similarly, in less martial competitions, weight in grading could be added for those who display their own heraldry or couch their activities in persona.

 

Finally, we can certainly be the change we want to see, personally manifesting the other Chivalric Virtues we would see emphasized, if for no other reason than to demonstrate the possibility and fun of doing so.  We can fight, or otherwise compete, with the joy of the art or engagement as enough (as it will have to be for one or more of the competitors, anyway).  We can remember that we compete not only (or even primarily) to bring Glory to ourselves, but to bring Glory to those who inspire us.  We can manifest Nobility in the style and state of our fighting kit and our comportment within and beyond the competition, and bear ourselves with Humility at all times.

 

Each small commitment to espouse the "other" chivalric virtues accumulates to something so much better than over-concentration on Prowess.

The Virtues of Chivalry

I consider there to be a cycle of eight fundamental Chivalric virtues.  As a cycle, the eight fundamental virtues of Chivalry flow from the internal (Humility) to the interpersonal (Generosity) to the universal (Nobility) on around once more to the personal, etc.  I also see these eight fundamental virtues of chivalry in four overlapping groups, which I term “charges" to all noble men and women, who should always be:

     Mindful – manifesting the virtues of Faith, Humility, Nobility, and Prowess

     Compassionate – manifesting the virtues of Generosity, Courage, Faith, and Humility

     Loving/Caring – manifesting the virtues of Loyalty, Justice, Generosity, Courage

     Capable – manifesting the virtues of Justice, Loyalty, Prowess, and Nobility